You pick the place. . . I’ll bring the CHAOS!!! (Part 1 – in its entirety!))You pick the place. . . I’ll bring the CHAOS!!! (Part 1 – in its entirety!))
So, for spring break this year, i decided, last minute, (literately – at 3:30 pm
on Monday afternoon, and we were in the car on our way at 5 pm) to join three of my friends and their kids in Vegas. That’s right – 4 moms, no husbands, and 16 kids (nearly a third of them being mine!). It is also important to mention that before we decided to join up with this fab group of ladies, the youngest child in the group was 6. Enter, Heather. Enter, Chaos.
So, we are on our merry way, and about an hour into the drive i realize that i have forgotten the pac n’ play for Faith. Crudola!. . . and the stroller. . . and my camera. . . and a life jacket for Lily for the pool. Ugh. Looks like we will be making an emergency stop to Walmart somewhere en route.
Three hours into the trip, and we are hauling. When i am pretty sure we are at our last chance to hit Walmart, we pull off. Now, mind you – in my mad rush to exit the house, Lily, at some point changed her clothes. . . into one of Faith’s dresses. size 6-12 months. Lily is almost three. She also found time to remove her panties and replace them with a pair of bloomers – also faiths – but, to a different dress. Also important to note – the last 45 minutes in the car before pulling over were complete and utter chaos. Lily and Faith were both done being in carseats. Both screaming at the top of their lungs – i did what any honorable mother would do – i handed back dum dums and licorice. . . repeatedly. Hmm. Not smart. So, when we pull up to Walmart, i realize that both lily and faith have sticky gunk all over their face and hair – which now looks slightly punk rock – and are completely covered in red. Sticky red hands, sticky red legs, sticky red streaked hair, sticky red clothes. . . and, we are outta wipes. Hmm. Its just Walmart, i think to myself – and then announce to my brood – ok – shoes on, lets go. So, we throw shoes on everyone and take everyone into Walmart. the list is short: portable crib, camera, wipes, stroller – and a few snacks to keep in the room in Vegas. We should be in and out in 20, 25 minutes – Max! . . . or not!
We go walking into Walmart, and head straight to the bathroom – and i think to myself again, that Lily looks, in one word – awesome. I think to myself – Oh my good gravy – we could not be anymore W.H.I.T.E. T.R.A.S.H. if we were going to a costume party as “White Trash”. So, we use the restroom – wash off the girls as best i can, and head out to shop for our list. As we make our way thru the store, several things happen. Mason and Grace find incredible “caves” to hide from me in. Awesome. Lily, at some point, loses her shoes (never to be recovered, by the way) and now has BLACK bottoms of feet. Awesome-er. (im pretty sure that is not even a word – but, it seems to work here!) So she is running around (no more room in the cart because of the stroller and pac n play and Faith) with a Navy and Red dress – that looks more like a very tiny maternity shirt (i should also tell you that the dress is so small infact that it does not button all the way up the back, so it is pulled in an open “V” across Lily’s shoulders.) so, she is in the navy and red dress, with hot pink and white habiskus flower bloomers – and disgustingly filthy feet. Awesom-ist. (again, pretty sure its not a word – but, whatever!) So, miracle beyond all miracles – we make it out of Walmart – one hour and 18 minutes later. Ok. Get gas, get back on the road – three and a half more hours to Vegas. We can do this.
If you want to read on… You can follow this link to the my old WordPress blog about being a mom of 5 kids…
This was 2009 y’all… Hope it gives you some laughs. Being a mom of 5 young kids was in a word, HARD. Loves to all of you mamas out there. ????